i wanted to write an ode or a sonnet
an epic telling or spelling out a story
of something true and whole but really
something borderline therapeutic to make
the clutter of my nerves and brain
chill for minutes long enough to let me breathe
in and out completely

i cannot
all i can say is i forget what your face looks like up close
it has been too long and distance makes the heart grow
but all mine does is pace and twitch in a chemically
induced manner i choose so i can just fucking deal

the water is gone but the lightning still strikes the same place
gone is the word of the day kids though it is so overused
or over discussed and my hands would love to spin the tale
if they could just stop moving but this is impossible
my hummingbird hands used to rest i think before our eyes met
some things should be left alone
this is a character trait or skill i never possessed

to just be blunt now i will say that while outlines
and laughter sounds fade i know what it feels like
to have your body hover above mine while you smile
i'm pretty sure you smiled as you spoke nontruths

that's how this always goes isn't it
insert two people, one says words because they are easy
words that float so close they can be grabbed
we both reached but when you spoke them aloud
i sewed them in the surface of my lungs
i smoke and inhale nicotine and pipe dreams

you have the globe on your fingertips
no it is under your fingernails and you scratch at it
gaining everything you ever wanted
i float in wave pools that resembled oceans from far away
i could still drown like this but you will never be affected by knowing
what it is like to gamble away the only bet i had to put on the table

your back is the table when you begin to stretch
i wanted to be the legs under it
but i was hardly even a place setting