loves: past present future

i.
she is gone. i don't think i even cried for her. i think i cried for pulling something from my insides as if making physical the best of me and now it is lost. lost as if she was a bill misplaced or searching for a matching sock. her socks were too big for her. so small. they said i should be grateful, a week is better than nothing. what is a week? tube nosed and fragile she experienced nothing. the 23rd of august the good in me faded in perfection shaded an ashy color and peace i could never emulate.

ii.
you left me before. i have left you before. we slept side by side and so far away. i remember two years ago we rested post sex in a windowless room and i thought i would do anything to be whatever it is you could need. need is objective. everything is objective if you break it down. even facts. i was different then. short haired and emotions bared like fresh wounds. i couldn't be anything else. this is me pre-jaded. young in a way where i think all people mean more than they should. i could have been possessed forever before i knew that all cages were imaginary ways for people to take what they want and leave the rest behind.

iii.
forbidden. that is the word for all this. you asked what makes you the best and i can barely put it in words much less a one page text message shortened to keep your attention. pale skin, long hair. your lips are carved out of marble and full like ripe fruit i never should have picked. your body is a body against mine breathing in sync and if this moment is a moment that can be paused like fancy TV then please lets do so. i want to freeze you and your line crossing words. you said my body is perfect. squeeze it like the lemons i hate. you smell like ocean and breezes and damp air the way it is electric before the rain comes. you electrocuted me. things are not the same.